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			<title>Email Campaign Archives for list &#039;Heike Berens Relationship Coaching Mailing List&#039;</title>
			<description>Email Campaign Archives for list &#039;Heike Berens Relationship Coaching Mailing List&#039;</description>
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			<title>Gratitude...</title>
			<description>Gratitude...</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Tue, 17 Aug 2010 05:35:01 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>Gratitude...</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 Gratitude...
 One of these days... nothing works, it&rsquo;s raining, people are driving like mad people,  late, coffee is cold, gee how these people are all so unfriendly...  Sounds familiar? Had I only stayed in bed &ndash; how I wish this day was over...
 Driving home from work the other day this thought hit me: how many days have I spent wishing them away?  Far too many, I suppose... so I started reflecting on what can shift my thinking.... and one thing came to mind: gratitude.
 What? Am I supposed to be grateful for my horrible days? You might ask... as did I!
 Yes, in a way... but it is the wrong question! The right question would be &ldquo;Am I looking for what is right or am I looking for what is wrong?&rdquo; (from Debbie Ford, &ldquo;The right questions&rdquo;)...
 If I experience my days like &ldquo;one of these days&rdquo; chances are I am most likely looking for what is wrong, i.e. focussing on all that is not working, that is wrong and irritating me.
 So if I shifted that to looking for what is right? What could I see?
 Here is a little exercise I sometimes do with my clients. All you need is a watch and a journal, even better if you can get a friend or partner or spouse to join you.
 Take 5 minutes to talk about or write down all that is wrong in your life &ndash;  e.g. being on hold forever talking to the phone company, waiting around all day for a delivery, your step kids ignoring you, your partner being short with you, the mad drivers who wouldn&rsquo;t let you in &ndash; I&rsquo;m sure you can come up with plenty....  let it all out... you have the full 5 minutes to talk or write.
 Then if you are with another person it is their turn &ndash; just sit and listen. And then sit and reflect. How do you feel? Write that down, too and/or share it with the other person.
 Take three deep breaths and then it&rsquo;s the first person&rsquo;s turn again. Now focus on what you are grateful for in your life, talk/write about what you love in your life, what is good, what is working. You have 10 minutes to do that &ndash; and then switch with the other person.
 Sit and reflect again &ndash; what has changed? How do you feel now? How does your body feel now?
 Enjoy the exercise &ndash; and I would love to hear how you went...
 Until next time  With love  Heike Berens  Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au  Making Stepfamilies Work - Couples Workshop  I'll be facilitating this workshop again: 2 Saturdays 11 Sept and 18 Sept 2010! At Drummond Street Services, 195 Drummond Street, Carlton, Victoria, Australia  Please phone 03 9663 6733 to book or find out more. www.stepfamily.org.au
 
 More spice in the bedroom? How about delicious sleep wear? My friend Melanie Ivanhoe has just released her new range and I am hooked...  
 
The enduring comfort of pure cotton, soft as a memory of childhood against your skin, becomes the ultimate comfort of grown-up sensuality when its filmy glamour is shot through with our unique natural prints in soothing pinks and blues....  www.twilightco.com  
 


 
 
 

 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (Kew and Eltham) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling for women and couples  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

    Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au      Creating a life you love -  with Debbie Ford  A monthly or yearly program to open your heart in every area of your life. Only 19$ (US) per month or  99$ (US) per year      Questions? Want to know more?  Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au  To forward to a friend 

 









 
 


 
 
  Unsubsribe from this newsletter here   Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2010









 ]]></content>
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				<item>
			<title>Commitment...</title>
			<description>Commitment...</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:25:06 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>Commitment...</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 Commitment...
 &ldquo;We have been married 8 years today! ...glorious day...fine champagne...I so wish everyone would know this type of peace and contentment! Takes my breath away! Thanks! Our relationship has grown so rich since last summer &ndash; if you like put it on your website as testimony for the persistence of healing accomplished through your program. I do give it that credit!&rdquo;
 That is a message I received recently from one of my clients &ndash; it put a smile on my face &ndash; of course, but as much as I would like to take credit for the healing of this relationship, I have to give it to the Spiritual Divorce process and to my client.
 When this client contacted me she was very unhappy in her marriage and struggling not only in the relationship with her husband, but even more in the relationship with her stepdaughter.
 While we put stepfamily counselling into the mix, she also decided to take the Healing your heart coaching program (Spiritual divorce program) &ndash; a 13 week program designed to give support in releasing the pain, disappointment and guilt of the past.
 Leading her through the process of acceptance, surrender, divine guidance, responsibility, choice, forgiveness and creation, I watched her step into her power, her light and take charge of where she wanted to be.
 The relationship with her stepdaughter changed for the better and her message above speaks for itself with regards to her marriage.
 Was it easy? Was it magic? It was certainly not easy, magic was involved. As far as I&rsquo;m concerned there is always magic in life, if we open ourselves to it, but what brought her change about was her willingness to show up, her commitment to the process. She stepped into it and moved through it &ndash; and came out the other end with lasting change.
 I feel privileged to be a witness to that, my heart sings and I&rsquo;m overflowing with joy &ndash; this is why I love this work!
 Paulo Coelho says &ldquo;Profound commitment to a dream does not confine or constrain: it liberates. Even a difficult, winding path can lead to your goal if you follow it to the end.&rdquo;
 What are you committed to these days? It doesn&rsquo;t have to be this kind of work.  Maybe you want to lose a few kilos, get fit, have more time for yourself and/or your family or get your finances in order &ndash; commitment means focus and discipline, showing up and following through - find your &ldquo;liberation&rdquo; today!
 I hope I have given you a few new ideas to get on your way to make this the best time of your life...
 Until next time  With love  Heike Berens  Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au    
 
 Are you ready to take an emotionally gripping journey into your shadow self &mdash; the part of you that is keeping you trapped in bad habits, driving you to make poor choices and demanding you stay stuck, fearful or lonely even though you long for a greater future? This powerful book, written by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson -- three of the greatest luminaries of our time -- will reveal the tools and techniques to embrace your dark side and step in the person you are meant to be. You will find courage and compassion as your illuminate the power of your hidden self.   http://www.theshadoweffect.com/newbook

 


 
 
 

 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (Kew and Eltham) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling for women and couples  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

    Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au      Creating a life you love -  with Debbie Ford  A monthly or yearly program to open your heart in every area of your life. Only 19$ (US) per month or  99$ (US) per year      Questions? Want to know more?  Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au  To forward to a friend 

 









 
 


 
 
  Unsubsribe from this newsletter here   Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2010









 ]]></content>
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				<item>
			<title>Renewal...</title>
			<description>Renewal...</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Fri, 09 Apr 2010 07:45:01 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>Renewal...</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 Back from paradise...
 Last month I had the privilege to be part of a wonderful retreat with Debbie Ford in Costa Rica &ndash; it truly was a journey into paradise...
 I had the opportunity to reconnect with what is in my true heart, reconnect with my path, my life purpose &ndash; a renewal of a vow to myself if you will.  It felt so good to stand in this light again, to know where I am going and to come back home refreshed, full of energy and full of new plans.
 On the plane home I was reflecting on how this can also be applied to our relationships, how a renewal of our vows could re-invigorate our relationships and families.  Of course some people renew their vows after a certain time of marriage, but it is not really all that common.  And what about all of us in relationships that are not marriages &ndash; we don&rsquo;t usually have vows.
 What if we had to &ldquo;renew&rdquo; our relationships every so often like we renew our driver&rsquo;s licence?
 So here is an idea:  Pick a certain date like the anniversary and use it to take stock of what is working, what is not working, what needs improvement &ndash; and if you are still up for another term at all (2 years, 3 years, 5 years - you determine the length of each "term").  Discuss all this together with your partner and develop a plan on how to approach the challenges that are there.  This is a perfect time to develop a vision for the relationship. What are you willing to create with your partner? How do you want the relationship to feel like? Who are you going to be in it? What are you willing to commit to?
 If you have children and especially if you are in a blended family maybe get the children involved, too (depending on their ages). How would they like the family life to be? How would they like to feel in your family? Maybe they can draw a picture that can go up on the fridge...
 Have fun creating the future you desire and deserve! And if you get stuck... ask for help!
   
 One challenge a lot of my clients in stepfamilies face is space &ndash; enough space for all family members to live, breathe and retreat from each other.   If money wasn&rsquo;t an issue and you had a fairy wand, what would your perfect home look like?   I&rsquo;d really like to hear from you &ndash; your ideas, your dreams &ndash; what is the perfect home for a step/blended family.   Please post on my blog.... or email me....
 I hope I have given you a few new ideas to get on your way to make this the best time of your life...
 Until next time  With love  Heike Berens  Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au

 


 
 
 

 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (North Carlton) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

    Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au      Creating a life you love -  with Debbie Ford  A monthly or yearly program to open your heart in every area of your life. Only 19$ (US) per month or  99$ (US) per year      Questions? Want to know more?  Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au  To forward to a friend 

 









 
 


 
 
  Unsubsribe from this newsletter here   Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2010









 ]]></content>
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				<item>
			<title>Being present... </title>
			<description>Being present... </description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:35:02 -0600</pubdate>
			<subject>Being present... </subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 How are those New year Resolutions going?
 Just asking!
 One of my resolutions was to do  Debbie Ford&rsquo;s 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse and I am truly enjoying it. It&rsquo;s a great process.
 The one thing that really stood out for me this week was &ldquo;The Power of Presence&rdquo;.
 Debbie says in her book &ldquo;Being present means being completely aware of all that is. It means you are not in denial, you&rsquo;re not pretending, and you&rsquo;re not avoiding&rdquo;.
 If we apply that to our relationships &ndash; wow, imagine what can open up.
 It&rsquo;s when we have the courage to really see things as they are, that we can start to reach out for help, to change them if they don&rsquo;t match up to where we want to be.
 When we are not in the present moment we allow old stories to be dragged in, the past to cloud our present moment.
 How often are we experiencing a moment of total joy only to have our thoughts wander to the past, drag up something long gone, conjuring up worries out of thin air. And the beauty of the moment is lost.
 A way to connect with the present moment is to spend time in nature, sit in stillness and just observe. Really take in the beauty around you and breathe it in!
 Look at your partner in a new way, as if you have never seen them before. Tune in to all the sensations that are there. Listen to their words with fascination and wonder (Even if it is a complaint). Just open yourself up to that very moment and notice what it feels like.
 If you want to know more about the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse &ndash; have a look at the book here.
 You can still get on board on oprah.com &ndash; and it&rsquo;s for free. Check it out! It might change your life!
 If one of your New Year&rsquo;s resolutions was to change the relationships in your life for the better, you might want to consider the coaching program I offer:
 Spiritual Divorce Coaching is designed to support you in building a new unshakable future filled with love, compassion and deep meaning.   With this program you can work on ANY relationship, it doesn&rsquo;t have to be a divorce or even separation. A lot of my clients use the program to work on their existing relationships/marriages or relationships with children, stepchildren, friends, co-workers -  so they can be free from conflict and full of joy and connection. 
 You will be led through a proven process that is guaranteed to support you in releasing the pain, disappointment and guilt of the past. It will lead you out of fear into a new vision - a future you will love.
 The coaching program is a 13 week program which is done by phone, in the comfort of your home, which means you never have to worry about traffic or where you are in the world. All you need is access to a phone (or Skype) and a quiet space.
 Sessions will be conducted weekly at an arranged time for about 60 minutes per session. In the sessions, we go through a series of profound distinctions, processes and exercises that help you process what is going on for you. During a session you will heal old wounds once and for all, regain your self-confidence, find clarity and most of all find the joy and excitement for all the possibilities in your life.
 Contact me &ndash; if you would like to know more.
 I hope I have given you a few new ideas to get on your way to make this the best time of your life...
  Until next time  With love  Heike Berens   Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au

 


 
 
 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (North Carlton) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

    Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au          The Shadow Effect, a visually stunning and cutting-edge documentary, will inspire you to step out of the self that you've known and break free from the bonds of the past. Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Dr. David Simon, and other world-renowned thinkers join Debbie Ford to reveal the transformative power of your shadow-the parts of yourself that you dislike and disown, the past that you regret and repress, and the future that is waiting to be birthed.   The Shadow Effect will leave you breathing deeper as you take back your power and step into the possibility of the next greatest evolution of yourself.
 Watch the trailer here   You can even order your very own copy.  Questions? Want to know more about the movie?   Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au        

 









 
 


 
 
 To forward to a friend  Unsubsribe from this newsletter here   Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2010









 ]]></content>
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		</item>
				<item>
			<title>Here we are...</title>
			<description>Here we are...</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Mon, 30 Nov 2009 10:05:02 -0600</pubdate>
			<subject>Here we are...</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 The holidays and the end of the year aproaching fast...
 And for us here in Australia it also means summer is here... and with it summer holidays, family time, time for ourselves - hopefully!  While rushing around like mad people in order to experience the "perfect holidays" it may pay off to actually stop for a moment and take time out to think.
 What is it that inspires you? What would you like to create more of and what do you need to let go in order to create a new year that will be so very different from the one just past?
 Would you need to let go of some of the ties that still bind you to the past? Old hurts, grudges, resentments? How much power are you giving away by holding on to them?
 Is wanting or even needing to be right getting in the way of being happy?
 Think about your relationship. When was the last time you did something really creative? Surprised your partner? Did something so totally different from what you normally do?
 Once you have a few answers to those questions for yourself &ndash; share them with your partner if you have one.
 Create a vision for the new year, for your life, for your relationship. How will you experience life? How will you feel in your relationship? What will you be doing? Dream it up in as much detail as you can think of, really feel the excitement and then know it is already so!
 You have given yourself the most beautiful gift &ndash; the gift of inspiration and self-love.
  If you are a couple in a stepfamily scenario I have a special offer for you:    Take part in a trial version of the Spiritual Divorce/Healing your heart coaching program for couples in stepfamilies.  Going through a divorce and starting again can be extremely painful and difficult, but those experiences can also be a catalyst for people to want to really look at their lives, so they can once and for all move through the pain and create the life and relationships they desire.  A Spiritual Divorce has nothing to do with religion, or meditating on a mountain top; instead a Spiritual Divorce is one which shifts a person&rsquo;s perspective from dwelling in the past and getting stuck in fear, blame or revenge to finding the gifts of both the marriage/relationship and the divorce or separation in order to create a positive future.  Going through this process will benefit the well-being of any of your relationships - and the one who benefits the most is YOU! If you are carrying any unresolved pain from the breakdown of a relationship, isn't it time you healed your heart?  Email me for more information.   If these holidays are the first for you after your separation/divorce - here is an article that might help you cope a little better:  How to survive Christmas after divorce   I hope I have given you a few new ideas to get on your way to make this the best time of your life...
  Until next time  With love  Heike Berens   Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au

 


 
 
 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (North Carlton) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

    Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au      Still need ideas for Christmas presents?  How about this one?      The Shadow Effect, a visually stunning and cutting-edge documentary, will inspire you to step out of the self that you've known and break free from the bonds of the past. Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Dr. David Simon, and other world-renowned thinkers join Debbie Ford to reveal the transformative power of your shadow-the parts of yourself that you dislike and disown, the past that you regret and repress, and the future that is waiting to be birthed.   The Shadow Effect will leave you breathing deeper as you take back your power and step into the possibility of the next greatest evolution of yourself.
 Watch the trailer here   You can even order your very own copy.  Questions? Want to know more about the movie?   Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au        

 









 
 


 
 
 To forward to a friend  Unsubsribe from this newsletter here   Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2009









 ]]></content>
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		</item>
				<item>
			<title>Spring Cleaning...</title>
			<description>Spring Cleaning...</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:15:01 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>Spring Cleaning...</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 Spring is here...
 At least for those of us here in Australia....  With so much sunshine and warmth, nature exploding, we can&rsquo;t help but feel more energy and love for life...   Even if you are not in our part of the world and preparing for winter &ndash; now is as good a time to bring some positive change into your life as ever.  What if you could finally start living this extraordinary life you have been longing for &ndash; Your extraordinary life?  There are many ways to step into this process...   Why don&rsquo;t you give yourself the gift of healing your heart this spring?  What if you could finally let go of the old &ldquo;baggage&rdquo; you have been carrying around &ndash; the self-sabotaging habits, the destructive behaviours?  What could you bring into your life, have more of? More love, more joy, happiness, freedom....   Contact me and find out more...  And if you are a couple in a stepfamily scenario I have a special offer for you:    Take part in a trial version of the Spiritual Divorce/Healing your heart coaching program for couples in stepfamilies.  Going through a divorce and starting again can be extremely painful and difficult, but those experiences can also be a catalyst for people to want to really look at their lives, so they can once and for all move through the pain and create the life and relationships they desire.  A Spiritual Divorce has nothing to do with religion, or meditating on a mountain top; instead a Spiritual Divorce is one which shifts a person&rsquo;s perspective from dwelling in the past and getting stuck in fear, blame or revenge to finding the gifts of both the marriage/relationship and the divorce or separation in order to create a positive future.  Email me for more information.   Today Debbie Ford released her seventh book   The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse: A Breakthrough Program for Connecting With Your Soul's Deepest Purpose.   Another way to start your Spring cleaning process &ndash; click here to see what this is all about.   Debbie is giving away great &ldquo;goodies&rdquo; if you get the new book over the next week.    I hope I have given you a few new ideas to get on your way to make this the best time of your life...
  Until next time - all the very best to you!  With love  Heike Berens   Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au

 


 
 
 

 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (North Carlton) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling

 Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au  Facebook
     The Shadow Effect, a visually stunning and cutting-edge documentary, will inspire you to step out of the self that you've known and break free from the bonds of the past. Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Dr. David Simon, and other world-renowned thinkers join Debbie Ford to reveal the transformative power of your shadow-the parts of yourself that you dislike and disown, the past that you regret and repress, and the future that is waiting to be birthed.   The Shadow Effect will leave you breathing deeper as you take back your power and step into the possibility of the next greatest evolution of yourself.
 Watch the trailer here   You can even order your very own copy.  Questions? Want to know more about the movie?   Email me:   info@heikeberens.com.au      Making Stepfamilies Work, a popular course for couples.   Dates for four Term 4 courses are now available. Stepfamilies Australia are running courses in Doncaster - Wednesday evenings (6 sessions); Carlton - Tuesday evenings (6 sessions), Saturday all day, over two days and a same sex couples course also in Carlton over two Saturdays. For more information or booking any of these courses, please ring 9639 6611.
 www.stepfamily.org.au   

 









 
 


 
 
 Forward this newsletter on to your friends   To stop receiving these emails please unsubscribe.  Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  &copy; Heike Berens 2009









 ]]></content>
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				<item>
			<title>A new approach to... Love</title>
			<description>A new approach to... Love</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:35:01 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>A new approach to... Love</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[
 



 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   

 
 Where Life can be Better! 





 
 


 
 
 You are subscribed as %%emailaddress%%

 I feel loved when...
 The other day I was preparing for a couple's course I facilitate with Stepfamilies Australia and I was looking for some inspiration to speak to what partners can do to keep the couple relationship strong. Going through all my books and materials I got stuck on "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. I decided for the course I didn't want to go into too much detail, but just explain that we all have a different understanding of what love is, how we express it and how we know we are loved.  We learn that growing up in our families of origin, but also through the relationships in our lives. One person feels loved when they hear "I love you", another when they get flowers, yet another one when the person they love hugs them. A person might feel much loved when their partner takes care of things around the house. It is a very individual experience.  So, what my partner needs to feel loved might be very different from what I need to feel loved.  But do we know what we need? Do we always communicate that?  Often we do and give the things that we would love to get or experience. Maybe we mow the lawn and cannot understand that our partner doesn't really get excited over that. Or we buy the beautiful Hallmark card and place candles all over the house and our partner just has a puzzled look on his face. We want to show them we love them, but somehow it doesn't quite work. We get this thought in our head "if he/she really loved me, he/she would know..." We might get frustrated and feel hurt, question the relationship even.   I came across this beautiful exercise (by Michele Weiner-Davis): Sit down and think about 3 things, experiences and the like that would tell you &lsquo;you are loved' - it could be something simple as your partner making you a cup of tea in the morning, or giving you flowers every now and then or remembering your birthday without being prompted, your partner giving you a little time to unwind when you get home from work.... you get the idea!  Then you guess what it is that your partner would put on their list. And then you swap your lists - maybe over a nice dinner and a glass of wine... the perfect start to a conversation that will bring you closer. And once you know... well, make sure you do those things on your lists...  And if you don't have a partner right now - still do the exercise and get clear about what you need to feel loved - and while you are at it - picture what a relationship would have to be like for you to feel loved. Write it down, have an image in your mind so you can call forth that relationship.   I hope this gives you some ideas... Let me know how it works for you or any feedback you might have.  Until next time - all the very best to you!  With love  Heike Berens   Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au 

 


 
 

 
 
 Services
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			<title>A new approach to... Conflict</title>
			<description>A new approach to... Conflict</description>
			<author>Heike Berens</author>
			<pubdate>Tue, 14 Apr 2009 08:05:01 -0500</pubdate>
			<subject>A new approach to... Conflict</subject>
			<content><![CDATA[





 


 
 


 
    Heike Berens  Relationship Coaching   
 
 Where Life can be Better! 
 
 


 
 
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 Improve your relationships - Work Through conflict
 In recent times, the economical upheaval and apprehension of what may still come has placed many of us under quite a bit of undue tension. As human beings, we are not comfortable when things are unpredictable or when we donâ€™t know what is going to happen, which means tension builds, often spreading into our relationships, particularly with those closest to us. With that kind of stress in our every day lives, we end up having more disagreements and arguments as well as a great deal of misery. But it doesnâ€™t have to be that way.While it may take a bit of effort and the willingness to look at things a little differently, we do have the power to break the cycle of conflict and improve upon our relationships.
 Breaking the Cycle
 So, where and how do we begin to stop the cycle of conflict?  We begin by first recognizing the most important aspect of conflict, which is acknowledging that conflict by itself is not a bad thing. Conflict just means we are not in agreement with the other person. And although many people are terrified of conflict, especially in close relationships, conflict allows us to learn more about the other person and about ourselves. Why are people afraid of conflict? Mostly because they learned from early on that fighting is bad. Weâ€™re told to aim for â€œtotal bliss,â€ a myth that has spread throughout our society. Of course we need and want relationships that are harmonious, but without some conflict, we are stopped from growing as individuals as well as in our relationships. If everyone were in total agreement, think about how dreary and humdrum life would be.
 How to Look at Conflict in a Constructive Way 
 After accepting the fact that we have our differences, we need to take action in a way that allows us to use the tension or conflict in a more positive way. In other words, we want to look at conflict in a constructive manner. We begin by recognizing tension for what it is: strain, nervousness, agitation or apprehension.Tension evolves from an unhealthy sequence of events that usually makes us reactive. However, where there is a real situation of conflict, it can be resolved or at least negotiated.Consequently, the first step is to accept the situation exactly as it is, without forming any particular opinion about the situation.

 Observe What Is Happening
 Stop for a moment and see the situation or the problem by simply observing what is happening. For example, consider the following scenarios. Your live in partner has decided to move out after years of cohabitating. Your wife or husband has filed for divorce. You donâ€™t feel accepted as a stepparent. Your boss wants you to do things in a certain way and you are tired of trying to please her. These are just a few situations that might be causing tension and conflict in your life. And most of the time, when a conflict occurs, we resist it. But when we resist the facts and we unconsciously try to change the facts without success, we may become angry, frustrated and resentful. Once we are in that place, we become a victim of circumstances. We then blame the other person, the circumstances and even the universe.Continue reading here  I hope this gives you some ideas... Let me know how it works for you or any feedback you might have.  Until next time - all the very best to you!  With love  Heike Berens   Visit the website:  www.heikeberens.com.au 
 


 
  
 
 
 
 Services
 Phone sessions - Email sessions - Face-to-Face sessions in Melbourne (North Carlton) available:  Heal your heart/ Spiritual Divorce Coaching  Sexuality Counselling  Stepfamily Counselling  Transpersonal Counselling   
 
 Contact
 Phone: +61 3 9016 4377  Email: info@heikeberens.com.au  Website: www.heikeberens.com.au  Facebook       
 
 


 
 
 To stop receiving these emails please unsubscribe.  Heike Berens Relationship Coaching  Â© Heike Berens 2009]]></content>
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